TOUR JOURNAL

eone talking about it, finally some sharing letting me know that I wasn’t alone in mourning in this crowd of dancing monkeys. I don’t do change well, and philosophizing that I should has never been the answer. For me, when it comes I just have to feel the pain, feel the loss and deal with it as my emotions carry me through.

Some knew. Some didn’t know. Some were there to see friends. Some were so high a dancing monkey could have replaced Mikey and they would have said it was a good show. Pardon the graphic example, but for me it was like picking up a woman who had all the same physical features of a woman you’d loved and lost and trying to make love. You can go through all the actions, even have a good time, but in the end you feel empty and sad. The band I loved is no more.

What a cruel blow. I was just thinking the night before while watching the brain-exploding Austin City Limits show that the boys had been together for some time now a six-piece and just kept getting better. Maybe they’d be around for another decade and continue to be the center of my musical jam life. Maybe it would continue on. We finally got our Gateway tables, so long overdue. Dave playing better then ever. The band gaining the recognition it deserves without playing at the Phish-sized impersonal stadiums. It was all going so well. I will not regret the times I blew-off everything to go see the band. I have that philosophy that you never know when the last time is going to be, and I always wonder what people are talking about when they say, “I’ll catch them next time around.” It’s too late for that now.

Mikey, I’m not very good a praying, but I prayed for your health, your comfort, and the well-being of your family the night I heard. Sure I want to see you play again, but it’s more than that. I keep thinking about that little boy in the picture in your wallet that you showed me in Reno that night many years ago. I know you don’t remember me, bu....(cont. next page)